Todays update.

Sis was brought to London, no chemo now. That's all I have to say...so very heart broken.

Into the light.

Yesterday I sat in church and stared at the pew lights newly installed just for Christmas. I found comfort in knowing the lights true meanings.

The light of God surrounds us;

The love of God enfolds us;
The power of God protects us;
The presence of God watches over us.
Wherever we are, God is.
And all is well.

Thoughts of my sister never evade me. It was her birthday this past Saturday....she made it to 45 and we were never sure if she would..terrible thing to say, but the prognosis has been so poor right from the beginning.

Lynn is in and out of the hospital now. Last week she was in, then out and now taken by ambulance, she is in. She can no longer walk..initial thoughts were that she was just too weak.

The Dr's thought maybe cancer had spread to her brain/spinal chord and this is why, but I have no answers at this point as to why this is happening. She had a CT Scan and all was negative, this was good news for us. Her white blood cell count had dropped and she was quarantined in the hospital. No one could go visit her for fear of giving her so much as a cold would be very traumatic for her.

I will once again go visit Lynn tonight in the hospital and try to bring her some positive words. I know that her cancer is profound and i'm not sure at this point if it has spread or not. We only know that it is in her liver, lungs and lymph nodes.

It is painful to watch someone lose their hair to the chemo and become so very sick beyond belief. We got her a beautiful wig that she can wear if need be.

Last weekend I helped her wash her hair and dry it for her...my little sis, i'm doing these simple things for her and it pains me. I fight back the tears when I look at her like this. I don't ever want to see her like this..who would? So I also don't ever want her to see me crying, it is hard at times, but you suck it up..think positive, send her all of my prayers and have faith.

Sometimes I wonder if the chemo is helping at all. I wonder why her abdomen and lung fills up so quickly with fluid, only to be once again drained off in the hospital. It is to the point that she becomes dehydrated, then they give her more fluid intravenously only to cause more ascites. It seems like a roller coaster ride for her. I now understand when people say that if the cancer doesn't kill you, the chemo will. I am learning more about cancer then I ever wanted to know in this lifetime for sure.

Tomorrow the ambulance will transport her up to London to see if she can withstand another round of chemo. I just wish we knew if it was working, this will be her third time and I just wish we all knew what was going on. Sometimes I really have to tell myself to not get caught up in the details of this, but it's so hard not too..and maybe part of me has to get caught up.

Maybe tomorrow I'll have some new news to report. For now, I just try to be there when I can.

This past weekend I was so blessed to be out and riding my mountain bike. When I rode along with the sun on my face, I kept telling myself how blessed I was to even be doing this. My sister can no longer walk, but i'm out here healthy and riding...just seems like a dream to me.

Livestrong people.

This is so cool!

New Season of Training.

This weekend starts the indoor training sessions at Loaring Physio. It's going to be another fun upcoming year for me as I've decided to go back to being coached by James Loaring.

James is having a training camp in March down in Florida again, sounds like fun!

I've been wanting to mention that they have a perfect winter training jacket that keeps you remarkably warm! If you're looking for the perfect outdoor running/cycling jacket, I highly recommend this one!

Cheating at Ironman

Ironman is a single sport and there is no drafting allowed at these events for a reason.

You look at this shot from Ironman Florida, granted it is just a few seconds of recording and does not paint the whole picture. There are problems in Ironman and they need to be addressed and fixed, but nothing fixes it like your own consciousness. So these people have a choice, go faster and pass everyone, or everyone drop back and not draft.

So hard to do at Ironman Florida when the bike course is so very flat and a huge pack of people get out of the swim around the same time. I know, I have done this race 3x's and it's so difficult not to be bunched up out there on the bike course. Just not sure how they'll fix this problem, but I sure hope in the future they do.

Great Weekend

For a great many reasons, I had a fantastic weekend.

I knew for quite a few days now that I was going to venture to London Velodrome with a bunch of our East Side riders that I am a part of.

We were there earlyish Saturday morning and we got to watch some riders before us, before we went on our way to learn how to be track riders.

It was a blast and I was just grinning from ear to ear as we sped around the track. It's the shortest indoor cycling track in the world measuring 138 meters and a whopping bank of 55 degrees. It's scary, but a blast as long as you are doing the right speed around the corners. I loved loved loved it. So much so that i'm heading back up there next weekend again.

Sunday came and we had another ESR group ride out to the Lighthouse Cove restaurant, the weather was amazingly warm today. I loved everything this weekend and i'm so blessed I had the chance to get out there and enjoy it!

Here are some videos.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aVX5DK12t10

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DD9O9dao0bA

Intercessory prayer!

Intercessory Prayer - What is it?
Intercessory prayer is prayer for others. An intercessor is one who takes the place of another or pleads another's case. One study Bible defines intercession as "holy, believing, persevering prayer whereby someone pleads with God on behalf of another or others who desperately need God's intervention."

I was having a conversation with a co-worker today about the power of prayer. She told me of a story she read today about 2,000 people praying for a miracle for ONE person. I had the idea that maybe if I posted this on my blog that after a week I would have 2,000 people praying for my sister.

So if you have stumbled across this site today, please pray for my sister Lynn.

She is actually doing pretty well these past few days. I think the chemo has left her body and as a result, she is eating better, walking better and feeling better. You know how when you feel good everything else seems to fall into place. Well I keep praying that everyday is a good day for her.

Mountain Biking Hurts.

My new mountain bike went on her maiden voyage this past weekend. I also got that whole crashing thing out of the way too. Today I am very sore and a bit bruised, but that won't shake me. I had the best time!

I'm not sure i'm even going to enjoy road/tri biking as much as this. The views are amazing in the woods and it's so much better than fighting angry drivers out on the roads. There's this whole "fear factor" involved in Mountain Bike too..I really think I'll be good at this and enjoy racing tri's next year. If I can get my crashing down to a minimum. Once on this trail was not bad I gather. My goal for a couple of years now has been to do an Xterra race and I'm really hoping I get that chance next year.

I'm still travelling back and forth to see my sister. I'm going back up tonight and bringing my father with me. Lynn has cancer in her liver, lungs and lymph nodes. I'd wish to always report something good here, but cancer is ugly and it doesn't wait for anything. I just need to try and spend as much time with her as she can tolerate. She is very frail, weak and tired, but I know she tries to keep her spirits up and tries to be strong. I am selfish and I have extreme hope that she will be around for her next birthday which is Nov. 28th. I pray non-stop for her, but I know this is God's will and I also know that this is not the end for her, only the beginning of an eternal life.

My new t-shirt for my upcoming races next year.

I want to be there!

...who wouldn't in my position?

I've been there before in 2007 to be exact, it was GRAND! I loved every minute, had a great time of it and hoped to be there someday. So next year, that's the goal get to Clearwater 70.3 Championships...it's out there, so I have to do it now..:-))

What's going on?

I don't "do" blogging very much lately. I guess I feel I have nothing to write about, or that no one needs to hear my "goings on". I write for myself mostly.. maybe just to look back and figure out things I did..boring maybe but what the hell. I guess I can't freely express myself, so I just write stuff here and there...mostly about nothing.

I was recently pretty sick and had to make two visits to the Dr. before I got on the right stuff. I had a low grade fever, coughing my head off, stuffed up sinuses, just overall sick. Saturday I had enough and made my way a second time to a Dr. I was then given a different antibiotic, a narcotic cough medicine (rocks!), and an inhaler. After those new antibiotics kicked in I have been feeling so much better every day. Today i'm a little stuffed up, but nothing bad at all.

I really have been depressed with the fact I couldn't go up and see my sister. She started chemo last Tuesday and was feeling pretty sick herself. If I had given her my illness, I think it probably would kill her right about now. I've had to stay away. I check in everyday with my mother though who is with my little sis all of the time. My mother mostly helps around her house with her kids and doing laundry, cooking and cleaning for them. My mom has been such a rock through all of this. She herself is a cancer survivor.

My mother knows what it's like to lose a younger sister, she lost hers to cancer as well as her father and now...her daughter. We don't know exactly how much time my sis has with us, just taking it day by day, month by month.. God willing, he will keep her around for us, her children and husband....but we are just being selfish I think. It's the way we are though, we are human. Tomorrow after work, I will head up to see them. It's been a couple of weeks now. I am healthy and miss everyone. My mother reports that the day before and yesterday my sis is feeling better, up and walking around and starting to eat. She is skin and bones..yet with the liver cancer her abdomen makes her look about 7 mths pregnant.

The Dr's continue to remove a lot of fluid from her lungs and around the liver. Tomorrow the Regional Director for Ontario's Look Good Feel Better campaign will be visiting with my sister. My cousin, Sherry Abbott is the Executive director for LGFB. She herself lost her mother to cancer (my aunt and my mothers sister). Sherry is a survivor of a rare form of Ovarian Cancer. Sherry reminded me that at the time, they had written her off and had only given her 3 months to live, she tells me that was exactly 241 months ago. Talk about an example of miracles. Sherry went on to be part of this amazing organization.

Aside from everything that's been going on, I have been missing my training. I have not been able to do anything being sick and all of that. I figure November will be here and it's a new month.

On November 7th, I will be travelling with a bunch of my cycling buddies to London's Velodrome. I will achieve my Track 1 & 2 certification..can't wait for that. I'll be going back up there the following weekend as well.

So October will go down as one of the worst months ever I think. On too a new month and hopefully it will be a better month..:-))

New hobby.

Yah....she's HAWT! Xterra here I come..:)

Colds suck..

Wish I had more to update on my sister. All I can say is that today she started her chemo. She will let me know how it's going later hopefully. I hope all goes well. She's in a hospital that's about 2hrs away and I have developed a bad cold and I can't go see her at all. That truly sucks. For her to get this nasty thing I have now would surely kill her. I have to wait and that's all I can do.

Don't waste a day.

I wish this post was bringing good news, but it's not. My sister has been given months now. She can only be offered some chemo to perhaps get a few more days/months. As you can imagine,this is tearing me up. The worst part though is that i'll miss her so much and I can't get her back once she's gone. I can only spend more time with her now that is so very important. I'm sorry for her children as they will grow up without their mother and their mother will miss out on so many things, like first boyfriends/girlfriends, heartbreaks, weddings, grandkids...all of it...The tears won't stop right now, I know I am grieving and maybe each day will come with more strength and understanding of this, or maybe I'll never understand.

I love my sister and need to be with her now.

Everyone live your life like it was your last day here...spend your time wisely. Love, embrace it...

There is always hope.

Adenocarcinoma. Wish I understood what all of that means. I now know this is what my sister is dealing with. She is resting in her home now surrounded by family. They are waiting for a call to get them to London hospital and see if they can help ..soon. Time is ticking away here and I just am so impatient and rightfully so. I just want this take care of, but I know it is not in my hands and my sister will do what is right for her, so we wait.

The Kids

(Eric my son, my niece and two nephews and my oldest son Ian)

Last night my sister and her husband sat their children down in the hospital and broke the news to them of my sisters health. I think they are okay ...for now. I went back up to visit her again and spend time talking. There were a lot of people coming in and out and most of my family members were there as well. It is nice to see everyone, just wish it was under better circumstances. Today my sister will go through many more testing and hopefully soon they will have answers, we could use some good news about now.

I told my sister that I want to stay at her house in her guest room and take care of the day to day duties with the help of my other sister and mother. I don't need to be here in this condo, I need to be with family.

I'm excited as this will give me a chance to better know my niece and nephews. Out of this tragedy a lot of good will happen ..I know this with all my heart.

New Report.

I wish I could report better news here on my sister. I have just found out that she now has a spot on her hip bone and esophagus, we are awaiting the pathology report still today.

Please pray for her...thank you for all the good wishes so far.

Just one phone call away from bringing us to our knees.

Monday night I was all packed up and ready to hit the pool in the a.m. I also was excited about starting my new Maple Leaf Cycling class.

I received an urgent email from my older sister to call my mother. My younger sister was in the hospital is all I knew. When I got on the phone with my mom, she just blurted out that my sister has cancer...I asked her what? What are you saying, what do you mean? Noo noo is all I could say. I burst into tears, I was in shock and my hands started shaking uncontrollably. She told me she had gone into the hospital for a bad cough and thought she might have pneumonia. The hospital did an xray and they found spots on her lung. They drained a pint of fluid off of her lungs. She also had a distended abdomen that had recently appeared, she was diagnosed with liver cancer and now a lump on her breast has been found.

I rushed to be with her at the hospital today. I don't know what to say, if anything, but just to pray and be by her side and drop everything if she needs me there. Tomorrow we will know more from the pathologists reports and treatments or anything else will be discussed. I don't think i'll sleep tonight, but just continue to pray and pray for good news. I don't know how all of this works, what sort of stage she might be in, what the prognosis could be..I feel so lost not knowing anything.

My younger sister has three children and her husband has been a rock and will continue to have to do so. I am bitter though at my sister internally of course. She did not get a mammogram for several years now. I am pleading with you now that if you have never gotten one, please schedule one and continue to do so. Please don't wait until it's too late.

It's painful how last week I made this post here I never knew I would need to draw on these words today, I never knew I would ever need to draw on them for a family member. Nothing really matters now to me, it's amazing how one phone call can bring you to your knees in an instant and devastate you.

Love your brothers and sisters and always let them know you care.

My sister and my mother.

My sister and one of her sons.

Pink...there's plenty more where those came from sis!

I will continue to post updates as I think it's good for people out there to know and if you pray, please pray for my sister "Lynn"....it is truly appreciated.

Maple Leaf Cycling Club

Well I attended the open house tonight and I have to say that I am thoroughly impressed with their off season program that I signed up and I also signed up on their team. The benefits will be great.

They have a program that happens every night of the week. Monday will be swimming, Tues/Thurs a functional strength training class and Wednesday nights theory classes on cycling from racing to fixing your bike. Friday night they will even have a yoga class. I'm going to busy through this winter and I couldn't be happier.

The classes start next Tuesday where they will give us testing and then in three months we will be retested to see how we have progressed.

http://www.loaringphysio.com/profile_larry.htm

One of the coaches gave a talk and I was very pleased and happy to see him, his name is Larry and he is simply and amazing coach/trainer. If nothing else, I am just super stoked about working with him. I know his work and he will be an amazing instructor for sure.

So come on out next week and see what it's about, all of the infomation is at the Maple Leaf Cycling Club.

Ironman 70.3 whoaaa

From www.ironman.com

The are now adding even more 70.3 events.

Lonestar 70.3 Galveston Texas - Taking place on April 25, 2010

Mooseman 70.3 Newfound, New Hampshire on June 6, 2010

Miami 70.3 Miami - October 30th, 2010

There are of course so many more added to their website, but they keeping coming up with these great locations. I of course NEED to go to Boulder, that would be amazing for sure.

Savageman!

Savage man.

I was just reading this event over at XTRI.com it looks and sounds like an amazing race.

Here are some of the things they had to say about it:

Things you should know about this event:

• Base elevation of event is 2,500ft.

• Bike course is very technical with over 5,900 ft of climbing and the same in descending.

• A 27 tooth cassette or compact cranks are recommended for the average athlete.

• You cannot be a timid athlete with a preference for flat easy bike and run courses. You will need to practice and define your bike handling skills. You don't need to be a pro, just know your limits and control your speed for the descents and ability to climb.

• You must have a personal need to mix fun, exhilaration, and pain together.

• Morning temperatures can be cool so dress warm.

• Afternoons can be warm.

• Ensure your bike is in good working order (this is serious!)

• Be prepared to feel emotions in order of magnitude above how other events make you feel.

I'm not sure why, but this sounds like a lot of fun to me. Maybe a lot of pain too, but fun. Anyone do this? Like it? Hate it? Reviews please..:-))

God's Garden

Today it became apparent to me that fall is here and as such I grabbed for the first time this season an over coat before I made my way out to work this a.m.

I listened to my ipod in my Edge on the way to work, not really caring about one thing or another, just listening to some great music.

When I got to work and proceeded to pull off my over coat, I felt something in the pocket, "oh" I thought, is this money. You know how from one season to another you leave things in the pockets of your jackets only till later do you discover that lost lip gloss, money, key..whatever..just secretly tucked away till next season when you pull that garment out of the closet. But this wasn't anything like that, no it was a gem.

I had attended one of my dear friends funeral. She had passed away to early from breast cancer and was determined to beat it, only till the end where it beat her....but not really. See, I want to believe that God needed her in his garden and she is no longer suffering.

Inside my pocket held that little reminder from her funeral: Inside the pamphlet read this...

God's Garden

God saw you getting tired when a cure was not to be, so he closed his arms around you and whispered "Come to Me." You did not deserve what you went through and so He gave you rest. God's garden must be beautiuful for He only takes the best. In time we saw you sinking; we watched you fade away; our hearts were almost broken, you fought so hard to stay. But when we saw you sleeping so peacefully free from pain, we could not wish you back to suffer that again. If you had spoken before you died, these words you'd have replied: "Weep not for me but courage take and love one another for my sake.

So, I won't be sad that another season..fall..is upon us. I will embrace it and be glad to be alive, this little gift came to me in my pocket today and I am reminded of just how short our lives here on this planet...go out and live in YOUR garden today!

No excuses!

A new command I give you: Love another John 13:34

Jesus did NOT say:

Love each other when your relationship is new and fresh.

Love each other when you are healthy.

Love each other only when you feel like it.

Love each other unless you get bored.

Love each other until something more important comes up.
Love each other until times get tough.

Love each other until you find someone better.

Love each other until your relationship ends.

No, He simply commands, Love each other..period. This means we are to keep on loving..when we are hurt, betrayed, tired, bored, sick or even...divorced.

Love has no caveats or condtions. Loving the lovable is easy, but it is not all we are called to do. Obedience inisists that we love in the face of dismay and disillusionment. Love intercedes for and supersedes all. How will you obey God and exhibit his love today?

______________

Being alone on a Friday night sure makes one think. I ran alone on my usual run, but this time it was different, I was smiling. I was at peace, I felt comforted. I'm alone and it's okay, because I know I'm really not all alone as I know He is with me and well..that's all I need. I always think that I need "someone" to make me happy, but it's only YOU that can make yourself happy.

Until you can be truly happy with yourself, why would anyone want to be with you, why would I want to be with anyone? I ask myself this often. I'm finally learning ...second by second, bit by bit, day by day, that this is the case. Being alone won't be so bad, as I know this won't always be the case, but for now..it's okay. I can be at peace with it tonight...

Back to cycling..

Before I forget, there is an open house for the Maple Leaf Cycling Club. I'm attending it as it sounds like a great program to get into.

I had another fantastic ride with the ESR's last night. We had close to 30 guys and 3 girls in total last night. We had some pretty fast riders and I could not keep up. My training has been sparse at best and I paid for it last night. I've noticed a great drop in my fitness and that concerns me. I gave up Ironman and all though I have a half marathon coming up soon, the Disney 1/2 & full coming up in January and the St. Croix 70.3 next May. Still I feel no motivation and no real structure or purpose in my training. I am struggling to keep myself busy and that's a challenge. Just trying to still figure things out day by day, but i'll get there..very soon.

After our ride, a few of these crazy fun guys decided we should go out for Thai...and it was great!

New Hobby

Goals

"Without goals, and plans to reach them, you are like a ship that has set sail with no destination".

I recently did an Olympic triathlon and had a blast, was probably one of the hottest days for me this year but I enjoyed it immensly. Since then I have had no goals, no direction..just kind of plodding along making things up as I go along.

I know I have the Disney 1/2 and full Marathon in January, but nothing inbetween. So i'm out for a run the other night and I realize that I am totally the type of person that if there isn't some short term goal out there, the long term goal is too far and I get lost and forget and keep pushing off training for that race down the road. Basically what it comes down to with me is if I'm not doing something short term, I want to do

well...nothing. NOT GOOD!

So on my run, I decided there must be something I can do that is close by and fits into my schedule. It popped into my head that the Detroit Marathon was coming up and they have a 1/2. So the very next morning I got on line and signed up. Can't wait, a new short term goal..yipeee